I am lucky and blessed to have known real friends in my life, especially from the Philippines because they are true. They'll stay by your side through thick and thin. They'll be your strength when all else fails. Although apparently, it isn't always the case with friends here. I am in a different world right now, a new friend of mine said to me. I must change my definitions and adapt to this new country.
Fair enough. I know that I must, but I cannot forget the essential things that I have learned being in a third world country. I've learned that little things are far more appreciated there that it is here.
I am thankful for my few real friends that I have met in my stay here so far in Canada. I woudln't trade them for the world. I always see to it that I'm by their side when they are down, or at least let them know that I am always here for them. I'll do anything I can to make them feel better (if it's justifiable). I don't leave them in the dark or try to avoid them just because they came to me for help. No. I am not like that. I believe in helping others, in helping them grow, in helping them find their paths in the dark or when they are lost.
I am not all knowledgeable. I do not know everything. I do get lost sometimes. I am not always right, but I try my best to be their support.
I've have realized about a year ago that I am probably looking for my best friend from the Philippines, Erica, here. In someone here. We both were. The results? Disasterous for both of us. No one can take her place. No one can even come close to what we have. Dennis, maybe. He is, afterall, my best friend here, but that's a different story.
Living here in Canada is hard, especially when you're still getting used to everything. The values are far different. It's like everyone's detached from everyone else. But I have no choice. I'm gonna be stuck here for a very long time. Maybe that's why Tita Pipay said that I shouldn't absorb everything from here.
A while ago, I walked to work in the snow instead of taking the bus. it was my sacrifice. I was thinking... "This is good. I am feeling this pain because I am still alive. And if I'm alive, I can still change things."
------ Haha.... my mom just went in my room... he says I look lonely. My Aunt from Taiwan and my Uncle in the U.S.A. asked me the same question when they didn't even see me. Is it really that obvious? She said my two sisters are sad too. Then I saw my mom kinda tearing up as she walked out of my room. Fudge...
I miss my friends in the Philippines. All of them. I hardly get to talk to them or chat with them anymore. If I go back to visit, will they treat me the same? Will they still care for me? If I do decide to stay there, what about my REAL friends here? I can't leave them either.
I just met a new friend about a month ago. We clicked right away. I never thought I'd meet someone here in Canada who'd get along with me in a snap. He was really nice... very matured, very kind. It was like having a big brother... almost like my older friends in the Philippines like Cujo, who really cared for me and would jokingly pout whenever I didn't give him a hug. We were really comfortable with each other. He said so himself, too.
I told him about my problem with one of my friends here (which was resolved, as usual... just needed a little compromise) because I thought and felt that he really cared for me. I just needed him to listen. I needed someone to talk to. I don't have Erica here to talk to me everyday and knock me off my head whenever I'm doing something wrong and I do not see it. Sadly... after that... he just.... let me go.
He said he's not used to giving advice... or rather being in the position that he was in yesterday. It was my fault. I shouldn't have told him anything. "We are still testing the waters", his words exactly. He said that if I keep talking to him about all these things going on in my life... my problems... he wouldn't be able to give me the time and attention that I need. He said if we continued to talk about these things, he doesn't know if he can still continue with our friendship.
I was taken back.... I wasn't expecting that from him. I was broken.
A really good friend of mine called me right after that when I texted him about what happned. He gave me strength. I thanked him because he has always been there for me even with through and after our ups and downs. I was semi-blinded by this new friend of mine. I thought he was all that up there. I was wrong.
I called my new friend this afternoon because my friend wanted me to... to apologize... to clear things up. Haha... It didn't turn out quite all right.
I know I was wrong... I guess i kinda harrassed him with my messages and texts in the past few days ONLY because I was in need. But I see this as a blessing in disguise... or rather... convincing myself that it is. I needed to falter to wake up. Indeed, I did. This has made me value my REAL FRIENDS so much more than I did. But I wish it could have been done without having to say goodbye to a new friend...